Mythankfulboy has entered a seriously airheaded period in his life. Maybe it’s teenage hormones, but he has been saying and doing the silliest things lately. I find I’m regularly saying something, then waiting, waiting, for it to catch in his brain. For example, we stood recently in front of a wall of Mother’s Day cards, shopping for one for Peepeye, his grandmother and my mother. He said, “They should have a day for grandparents.” I said, “They do, actually. It’s called ‘Grandparents’ Day'” He said, “Huh.” He said, “They should have a section for just grandmother’s in the Mother’s Day cards.” I said, “They do, actually. It’s right there”, pointing. He continued to stand where he was and to stare blankly at the cards in front of him. 30 seconds, maybe a minute, passed and I said, “So, why are you still looking right there?” He said, “What? I’m looking for a card for Peepeye.” “Yes,” I said with waning patience, and the cards for grandmother’s are down there”, pointing again. He said, “OH!!” and moved down to look at them.
This is my life right now. There are worse things, I know.
Meanwhile, he finds joy in the funniest places. Case in point, he excitedly told me a few days ago about a video he had found of a guy who could fart on demand. Ok – I guess that could be interesting. “And the best part,” he continues, “is that he does it the exact same way I do!” “Wait!” I say. “You can fart at will?!” “Yeah – you didn’t know that?!” he answered. Then he proceeds to tell me that he can suck air into his anus and expel it whenever he wants. No. I did not know this. I was not exactly sure how I felt about it, either, but he was so very pleased with himself that I eventually settled on proudish. In a weird kind of way. I have to finish, though, with his final thought on the subject, which was that the only downside to this kind of flatulence was that it wasn’t internally-generated gas, so he couldn’t light anything on fire this way. Well, yeah, I guess I can see that…
Since he couldn’t light the chalice that evening with a fart, I lit it with a lighter. I was thankful for idiosyncratic skills. He was thankful for no homework.